- Take your own
sweet time when
doing ANYTHING.
-
Pronounce all one-syllable words
with two.
- When giving
directions,
finish
with
"it's right down yonder on the left."
- Talk REAL slow, and
ask them to speak more slowly so you
can
understand what they're saying.
- When they talk
nostalgically
about
the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when
you are!"
- Talk loudly and often
about
SEC
football or ACC basketball.
- Refer to every soft drink
as a
Coke.
- Always order sweet tea
and/or
grits.
When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
- Offer to send 'em a
bottle of
fresh
air.
- Insist on being
addressed by
your
first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa
Marie -- John Michael -- Jim Bob...)
- Frequently bring up
"The War
of
Northern Aggression" in conversation.
If anyone ever says the words "Civil
War", always interject that "there was
nothing civil about it."
- Address all males as
"son"
and
females as "little lady".
- Correct their
pronunciation of
certain words. For example: "It's
'pee-can.'"
- Put Tabasco on
everything.
- For New York Yankees:
Act
as if the
whole state of New York is New York
City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm
from upstate New Yoik!", say "Well I'll
be, my wife has always wanted to see a
Broadway show!"
- When invited to dinner,
offer
to
bring dessert.
Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . .
banana ones.
- Name all of your
children
"Bubba".
- Use the word "reckon"
in a
sentence.
- "Mash" buttons. "Cut"
off
lights.
"Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch"
something.
- Never simply "do"
something.
Be
"fixin to do" something.
- Tell them you don't
have an
accent,
they do.
- Be sure to include
"yes/no
ma'am/sir" in all conversations..
- Only use landmarks
and
ramble on
when giving directions. "Now go down
Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at
where the Chevron station used to be. I
think they turned it into a Amoco. Or
maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there. .
." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn
left there and follow it until you see a
big fish on your left. I remember when
that fish used to be on the other side of
town.."
- Ask them if it's still
snowing
up
North. Then tell 'em you went driving
around in your convertible this
weekend.
- Call 'em a yankee.
Works
every
time.
THAT'S ALL
FOLKS
HUMOR PAGES
UMTEEN WAYS TO ANNOY YANKEES
YANKEE'S GUIDE TO ATLANTA
ETIQUETTE FOR YANKEES IN THE SOUTH
ETIQUETTE FOR REDNECKS
WHAT'S HELL TO A BIG EATER ?
HAZARDOUS SUBSTANCE ?