A Yankee's Guide to Atlanta, Georgia

(The North Ga. pronunciation is: Ah lan uh, JOR jah)

(The South Ga. pronunciation is: Lan ner, Jaw jah)

Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport is 13 miles away from the Main Concourse so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
The doors on the trains in the airport do not reopen like an elevator if you stick your hand out. And they hurt.
Atlanta is home of Coca-Cola. That's all we drink here, so don't ask for any other soft drink ... unless it's made by Coca Cola. And even then, it's still "Coke."
The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. Everything is yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you have any allergies you will die.
Smog Alert Day--365 days a year.
"Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are.
"Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss." So is "Sweetpea". "Honey" is always used by Waffle House waitresses.
If you're standing on a corner and a MARTA bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere.
Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a native, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. (The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnz duh LEE-on")
Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree ..." and include the phrase "When you see the Waffle House ..." Except that in Cobb County, all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken ..."
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with
Old Peachtree,
New Peachtree,
Peachtree Run,
Peachtree Road,
Peachtree Lane,
Peachtree Place,
Peachtree Trace,
Peachtree Battle,
Peachtree Circle,
Peachtree Avenue,
Peachtree Corners,
Peachtree Parkway,
Peachtree Commons,
Peachtree Battle Way,
Peachtree Battle Circle, or
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.
Atlantans do not believe in turn signals. You will never see a native signal at a stoplight, to change lanes, or to merge. Never!
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.
It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that effect so that out-of-towners don't feel lost ... they're just on a "scenic drive."
The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 a.m. The 5:00 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30 to 7:30 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning and lasts through 2:00 a.m. Saturday.
Do not plan to visit Atlanta during Freaknik. Even if you make it off the freeway into the city, you won't be able to go anywhere and may not make it out alive.
Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody ... especially those of us who live here. Stay out of them unless you are looking for a head-on collision.
The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules; so will daylight savings time, a girl applying eye shadow in the next car, or a flat tire three lanes over.
If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer if there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard" T-shirts.
Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts. Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.
Atlanta's traffic is the friendliest around. The commuters spend hours mingling with each other twice a day. In fact, Atlanta's traffic is rated number one in the country. You will often see people parked beside the road and engaged in lively discussions.
Atlantans are very proud of our racetrack, known as Road Atlanta. It winds throughout the city on the Interstates, hence its name. Actually, I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta and has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
Georgia 400 is the southern equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on GA 400, because even the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized-SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school bus coming home from the college prep preschool.
The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.

HUMOR PAGES

UMTEEN WAYS TO ANNOY YANKEES
YANKEE'S GUIDE TO ATLANTA
ETIQUETTE FOR YANKEES IN THE SOUTH
ETIQUETTE FOR REDNECKS
WHAT'S HELL TO A BIG EATER ?
HAZARDOUS SUBSTANCE ?

A Yankee's Guide to Atlanta, Georgia

(The North Ga. pronunciation is: Ah lan uh, JOR jah) (The South Ga. pronunciation is: Lan ner, Jaw jah)

HUMOR PAGES

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(The North Ga. pronunciation is: Ah lan uh, JOR jah)

(The South Ga. pronunciation is: Lan ner, Jaw jah)