(The North Ga. pronunciation is: Ah lan uh, JOR jah)
(The South Ga. pronunciation is: Lan ner, Jaw jah)
Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International
Airport is 13 miles away from the Main
Concourse so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
The doors on the trains in the airport do not
reopen like an elevator if you stick your hand
out. And they hurt.
Atlanta is home of Coca-Cola. That's all we drink here, so don't ask for any other soft drink ...
unless it's made by Coca Cola. And even then,
it's still "Coke."
The pollen count is off the national scale for
unhealthy which starts at 120. Atlanta is
usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. Everything is yellow from
March 28th to July 15th. If you have any
allergies you will die.
Smog Alert Day--365 days a year.
"Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that
you're at least 30 minutes older than they
"Sugar" is a more common form of address than
"Miss." So is "Sweetpea". "Honey" is always
used by Waffle House waitresses.
If you're standing on a corner and a MARTA bus
stops, you're expected to get on and go
Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a
native, so do not attempt the Spanish
pronunciation. People will simply tilt their
heads to the right and stare at you. (The
Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnz duh LEE-on")
Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets.
The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach
Greenville, South Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree
..." and include the phrase "When you see the
Waffle House ..." Except that in Cobb County, all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and
is not to be confused with
Peachtree Battle Way,
Peachtree Battle Circle, or
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.
Atlantans do not believe in turn signals. You
will never see a native signal at a stoplight, to
change lanes, or to merge. Never!
Atlantans only know their way to work and their
way home. If you ask anyone for directions they
will always send you down Peachtree.
It's impossible to go around a block and wind up
on the street you started on. The Chamber of
Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that effect so that out-of-towners don't feel lost ... they're just on a "scenic drive."
The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 a.m.
The 5:00 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30 to 7:30 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning and
lasts through 2:00 a.m. Saturday.
Do not plan to visit Atlanta during Freaknik.
Even if you make it off the freeway into the
city, you won't be able to go anywhere and may
not make it out alive.
Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody
... especially those of us who live here.
Stay out of them unless you are looking for a
The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers
to immediately forget all traffic rules;
so will daylight savings time, a girl applying
eye shadow in the next car, or a flat tire
three lanes over.
If a single snowflake falls, the city is
paralyzed for three days and it's on all the
channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a
month. All the grocery stores will be sold
out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper,
and beer if there is a remote chance of
snow, and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard"
Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of
life, and a permanent form of entertainment,
especially when a water line is tapped and
Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts.
Construction crews aren't doing their job
properly unless they close down all lanes except
one during rush hour.
Atlanta's traffic is the friendliest around. The
commuters spend hours mingling with each other
twice a day. In fact, Atlanta's traffic is
rated number one in the country. You will often
see people parked beside the road and engaged in
Atlantans are very proud of our racetrack, known
as Road Atlanta. It winds throughout the
city on the Interstates, hence its name.
Actually, I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta
and has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you
have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as "The
Georgia 400 is the southern equivalent of the
Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck
on GA 400, because even the truck drivers are
intimidated by the oversized-SUV-wielding
housewives racing home after a grueling day at
the salon or the tennis match to meet their
children at the school bus coming home from the
college prep preschool.
The last thing you want to do is give another
driver the finger, unless your car is armored,
your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.